Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
