so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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