they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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