Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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