do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
