i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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