He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
