i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
my liver is dry heaving
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
