dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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