I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
