can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
