so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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