butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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