And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
