The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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