You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
