and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
