I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
