are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I looked at my own cervix.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
