Duck Duck Cougar?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
