There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she pinky promised me she was 18
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
