Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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