Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
