I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
God, I missed his penis.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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