i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
