Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You dont lie about slip and slides
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
