I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
