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I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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