careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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