whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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