I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
