the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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