I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
