my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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