My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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