I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
