You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
