I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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