i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
