I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
