The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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