I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
