just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
