we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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