I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
