found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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