Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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