his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
