The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
