i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
