idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
