you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
