You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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