omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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