we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
