I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you traded sex for a burrito?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
