Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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