I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
